the world kinda sucks at this time
it didn't hit me when i heard the news. after all there was no point of identification then. i couldn't put a face to the person but i found out later. i knew her vaguely through my brother. and my mind went into a whirl imagining what she went through. the last moments before giving in. sure i understand death. it's pretty complicated and it will come to all eventually. there is old age there are diseases and there's the unexplainable. if i hadn't lived my life so cluelessly i would have been equally fixated on that ideology. besides the tinge of melancholy that came with a heavy heart there was also anger and more... anguish and torn. at the sudden fragility of human life. anguish and incomprehension. at why a path was chosen. anguish and saddened. at why death has to be feared when life was given. anguish and bitter. at why this fear could be used as a stake. this is what i can't forgive. why your god has to watch over things like this and still be intolerant to others like him. why blind faith is the new saviour to lost souls and yet we still proclaim salvation. why the tragic use of destruction to bring your message across. i can't begin to understand it all even if you let me. because don't they always say. he has a plan for us by his grace. and who am i to question. i am no more than mere mortal.
joyful-bashing
oh dear i hope you don't ever get to read this but it's really not against the person when we do xxxx-bashing. we have nothing against you personally but it's just that we can't come to terms with the way you work. humans are strange creatures because we expect you to accede to our requests but we never once take a look at ourselves to find faults with what we do. my working style will never fit anyone else's in the corporate world. even if you do point it out to me it will probably take me a million years to admit it. don't worry i know you are not living up to everyone's expectations and i don't ask that of you because you are not answerable to me. but we work together so please allow me the liberty to bitch. no i won't call you names. that would be degrading and 4th grade. but i want to grumble and mumble i want to complain find a common voice somewhere and align myself with others in the bashing. finding someone who agrees with my grouses is important. you see i need the consensus my dear. therefore i will join in the bitching bashing and what have you.
this will however stop here. i will not encourage the creation of conflicts. if you say to me she is lousy at her work ok i will tell you she is lousy at her work. if you say to me i will tell the superior how lousy she is at her work ok i will tell you no she is already trying her lousy best at work instead. i will not defend her but this is what i do to prevent any confrontation of sorts by hopefully offering another perspective when we get caught up in madness like this and the rationale part of us shuts down. i will not add fuel to the fire and sit back to watch a good show. i will not be the one instigating you to partake in effigy burning. is this hypocrisy to play both sides? sorry but i think my mechanism just went into auto pilot mode. necessary.
seriously if you ever find yourself thinking more than twice on how to approach the matter you are the one making it complicated. anything that requires further thought becomes politically-inclined and driven. why? because there is motive. you have thought of cause and effect. the repercussions and the way around it. when you start to pre-empt people's moves and question someone's intention you my friend no longer remain true to yourself.
riiiight blogging helps me get things off my chest. i hereby officially announce i am retiring from the pseudo post of social organiser cum coordinator (well not like i get $ out of it anyway) and will not engage myself in initiated silliness which somehow always manage to piss me off to no end. it must be the mid-life crisis *sharks* and i thought it's another 45 days away!!
this post is meant to serve as a constant reminder for myself ~p
whatever makes me happy