interviews, interviews...
don't you just hate them? i do. with a vengeance. i mean first of all it's so fake. second, it's meant to sell yourself as a product. unless you're into sales, you've really gotta convince people sorry strangers to buy something you yourself don't believe in. you've got 20 minutes to convince them your capabilities/experience of your whole career life and convey the message that somehow you are the one they should hire instead of the one with cleavage ahem maybe the one with honors then. merely by talking. i don't understand the logic because it's really by a stroke of luck that you happen to click with the interviewer and thereafter in your job you get along with your colleagues and happen to love the company culture. but nothing absolutely nothing in the interview is able to foretell that nor is the HR able to predict that you will fit into the position required. i went to a company once where i had to go through 3 written tests 2 verbal interviews before meeting the directors for the last round! eh i'm not here for a scholarship you know? the last test had me doing ard 8 powerpoint slides in 30 mins and inbetween giving up i was thinking to meself drats i would love to stuff those tests down the throat of the person who thought of them, tsk tsk shallow thinking that they're appraisal methods of a person's worth! of coz i didn't la and as always the whiner i am meekly completed everything with a smile on my face. oh well my thinking is interviews are a definite waste of time yet dear me still concerned about the way i present meself during the process. humans are such contradictory creatures and i do admit i top the list. no choice mah must face reality and compete with others for 1 position only sia.
ok so the feedback from one of the recruitment agency was to be more enthusiastic about the work i do. i was like...hello? it's only administrative work can not like i'm singapore's next top model!? i didn't tell her that la. how to be more excited about filing paperwork? if i smoke crack lor then i'm guaranteed to appear vibrant in anything i do even if cleaning toilets. maybe i shld hum or start whistling a beyonce tune while photocopying? yeah that might lift my mood somehow and look forward to more typing. fake yays! oh basically pls try to sound more interested in the job. gosh...such lies. how can one have an interesting job in secretarial work? it's not that glamorous like the apprentice ya know unless your boss is li ka shing or bill clinton? most people i know fall into the work routine as a result of the rat race. we simply work because we have to. at least i do. and i'm just the average singaporean with abit more mid-life crisis than everyone else. i suppose circumstances dictate what i do now unlike those in the creative line or are their own bosses. at least they pursue their interests. sigh all in all i find it a rather silly game because interviewers know you are faking it to give them the answers they want and you know you have to fake it to give the expected answers that the interviewers ask for. lame. lol.
hmmm i guess the crux of my problem is when i try to act demure and rather serious i tend to become dull and my voice goes monotonous. i'm not high enough when i present myself. i don't go HEy i'M exCeLLEnt iN mUlTItaSKing. iT's a GreAT JOb tHAt I aM doING anD I REallY enJOY scHEduLing my bOSs's aPPts. nope. i say all these in a very indifferent voice with hardly any expression. you can't ask me to smile like a goondoo to s/o i just met or who might be my potential employer rite? i mean it's very easy for porn stars to fake the crap they are doing. i hear them (who? no not me) women fake orgasm the whole time. afterall all they mutter or cry out loud is made up of only one syllabus wat. i can't fake that i'm high for a bloody whole sentence about boring work mind you. anyway i reckon to myself it's really their fault for making me so lacklustre during the interviews. you see...i get all hyped up before the interview, probably not resting sufficiently the night before or gathering all my concentration in the morning. THEN when the time comes, they make me fill up a bloody form REPEATING details which i vaguely recall about my parents DOB? or stuff that is already stated in the resume and let me WAIT a further 20-30 mins for them to come out. ok sometimes 10 mins la. but 10 mins coped up in an empty room with nothing to do except admire the walls and bite my fingernails is torturous ok. can you really blame me for not appearing more fervent about the new position later on? excuses i know but now i come better prepared! wahah
ok so the feedback from one of the recruitment agency was to be more enthusiastic about the work i do. i was like...hello? it's only administrative work can not like i'm singapore's next top model!? i didn't tell her that la. how to be more excited about filing paperwork? if i smoke crack lor then i'm guaranteed to appear vibrant in anything i do even if cleaning toilets. maybe i shld hum or start whistling a beyonce tune while photocopying? yeah that might lift my mood somehow and look forward to more typing. fake yays! oh basically pls try to sound more interested in the job. gosh...such lies. how can one have an interesting job in secretarial work? it's not that glamorous like the apprentice ya know unless your boss is li ka shing or bill clinton? most people i know fall into the work routine as a result of the rat race. we simply work because we have to. at least i do. and i'm just the average singaporean with abit more mid-life crisis than everyone else. i suppose circumstances dictate what i do now unlike those in the creative line or are their own bosses. at least they pursue their interests. sigh all in all i find it a rather silly game because interviewers know you are faking it to give them the answers they want and you know you have to fake it to give the expected answers that the interviewers ask for. lame. lol.
hmmm i guess the crux of my problem is when i try to act demure and rather serious i tend to become dull and my voice goes monotonous. i'm not high enough when i present myself. i don't go HEy i'M exCeLLEnt iN mUlTItaSKing. iT's a GreAT JOb tHAt I aM doING anD I REallY enJOY scHEduLing my bOSs's aPPts. nope. i say all these in a very indifferent voice with hardly any expression. you can't ask me to smile like a goondoo to s/o i just met or who might be my potential employer rite? i mean it's very easy for porn stars to fake the crap they are doing. i hear them (who? no not me) women fake orgasm the whole time. afterall all they mutter or cry out loud is made up of only one syllabus wat. i can't fake that i'm high for a bloody whole sentence about boring work mind you. anyway i reckon to myself it's really their fault for making me so lacklustre during the interviews. you see...i get all hyped up before the interview, probably not resting sufficiently the night before or gathering all my concentration in the morning. THEN when the time comes, they make me fill up a bloody form REPEATING details which i vaguely recall about my parents DOB? or stuff that is already stated in the resume and let me WAIT a further 20-30 mins for them to come out. ok sometimes 10 mins la. but 10 mins coped up in an empty room with nothing to do except admire the walls and bite my fingernails is torturous ok. can you really blame me for not appearing more fervent about the new position later on? excuses i know but now i come better prepared! wahah
how to get high before interviews
- pop 20 clorets into your mouth so that the menthol is an instant wake-me-up
- chew on sweets because glucose gives you a natural high (i wld suggest eating 2 sticks of mentos n worry abt diabetes later)
- double shot espresso coz caffeine gives me a high too
- splash face with ice-cold water (which wld ruin my make-up hmm)
-watch porn (siao not that kinda high la n cannot have dirty thoughts on the interviewer eh unless he's cute)
- pluck my eyebrows (to me any removal of hair is pain that will jolt me up n the teary eye effect after may just win the interviewer over)
- repeat tracks to the likes of 'my humps' (if you prefer mambo 'square rooms' will do as well just remember the hand signs to go with the song)
- take dope (i wld suggest poppy seed muffins aiyah sg death penalty le dun pray pray)
- 100m sprint (anything for the adrenaline rush or you cld climb stairs all the way up to the co. for extra kick)
- lastly wasabi or chilli will do fine becoz i hate that stuff
alright wish me luck! ｵﾒﾃﾞﾄ♪(*⌒ｰ⌒)o∠★:ﾟ*
- pop 20 clorets into your mouth so that the menthol is an instant wake-me-up
- chew on sweets because glucose gives you a natural high (i wld suggest eating 2 sticks of mentos n worry abt diabetes later)
- double shot espresso coz caffeine gives me a high too
- splash face with ice-cold water (which wld ruin my make-up hmm)
-
- pluck my eyebrows (to me any removal of hair is pain that will jolt me up n the teary eye effect after may just win the interviewer over)
- repeat tracks to the likes of 'my humps' (if you prefer mambo 'square rooms' will do as well just remember the hand signs to go with the song)
- take dope (i wld suggest poppy seed muffins aiyah sg death penalty le dun pray pray)
- 100m sprint (anything for the adrenaline rush or you cld climb stairs all the way up to the co. for extra kick)
- lastly wasabi or chilli will do fine becoz i hate that stuff
alright wish me luck! ｵﾒﾃﾞﾄ♪(*⌒ｰ⌒)o∠★:ﾟ*
posted by novie @ 5:42 PM
whatever makes me happy
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