to llove unconditionally
is difficult. unless you're having to cut off all ties with that person and you could only wish him/her the best. because with love there tend to be expectations. with contact there is the hope of reciprocation of returning the smile of the occasional glance back at you of the awkwardness that looms over in which one of you tries to break the silence...then the heart breaks a little with the subtlety of each action you read into and your breath sinks in with every bit of vague indifference towards you then you start the self-doubt that you're never good enough.
which is why i stand firm by my advice. why should you put yourself in that position where you're vulnerable? and automatically start categorising each person into a 'criteria' checklist before anything anything is happening? but life is short and my theory is seriously flawed and crack full of contradictions. i find myself someone who will simply plunge head first into the deep end and worry about worrying later. so it's not like i become any more guarded myself.
on a separate note i read chesil beach by ian mcewan (recommended by my boss which i told him it's a more eloquent form of trashy novels haha) well basically it talks about the rigidity of a pair of newly weds who tries to consummate for the very first time on their wedding night in an era where sex was a forbidden topic. unimaginably perplexing a conversational piece nowadays but sadly tender. by highlighting how great a difference one small decision could have made how happiness was missed just in split seconds of the self giving in to pride or fear. and i don't believe in running away from it all of the fear of losing and karma beckoning. it's all in that one instant of life-defining moment that we miss out something important we could never have known but which our hearts ask later on. it's never too late to take a step back...seriously that's what all the movies say ;)
which is why i stand firm by my advice. why should you put yourself in that position where you're vulnerable? and automatically start categorising each person into a 'criteria' checklist before anything anything is happening? but life is short and my theory is seriously flawed and crack full of contradictions. i find myself someone who will simply plunge head first into the deep end and worry about worrying later. so it's not like i become any more guarded myself.
on a separate note i read chesil beach by ian mcewan (recommended by my boss which i told him it's a more eloquent form of trashy novels haha) well basically it talks about the rigidity of a pair of newly weds who tries to consummate for the very first time on their wedding night in an era where sex was a forbidden topic. unimaginably perplexing a conversational piece nowadays but sadly tender. by highlighting how great a difference one small decision could have made how happiness was missed just in split seconds of the self giving in to pride or fear. and i don't believe in running away from it all of the fear of losing and karma beckoning. it's all in that one instant of life-defining moment that we miss out something important we could never have known but which our hearts ask later on. it's never too late to take a step back...seriously that's what all the movies say ;)
posted by novie @ 1:05 AM
whatever makes me happy
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